Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize