god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
