I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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