Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
