too bad you live with your parents still
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
