NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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