Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
