I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
