May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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