just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
