It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
