Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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