i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
