There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
