im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She swung at the pinata with crutches
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
