At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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