i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Pooping to opera.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
