my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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