Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
