Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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