it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
