On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I did not marry a roomba.
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