Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
