I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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