My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
