So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
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Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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