I cannot find my penis.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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