we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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