Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
