Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
