apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
there is glitter all over my balls
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