Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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