i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize