I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
