If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
