did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
