Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
