I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
