Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
