btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize