And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
