does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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