so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
