you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
