thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
