hotel room ftw
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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