I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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