Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
