i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
try to milk me bitch
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
