PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
