Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
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well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
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the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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