I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
