You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
