she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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