I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
