you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
