sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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