id be glad to
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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