I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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