he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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