Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
