as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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