why do cheetos always look like penises
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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