Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
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That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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