3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
now i know why i became what i already was.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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