He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
