Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
