Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
