I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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